Let’s Go After the Buddhists

by: Roy Zimmerman

"Let's Go After the Buddhists" by Roy Zimmerman


We haven’t caught Osama
We spoke a bit too rashly
He just released a video
With Mary-Kate and Ashley

He’s there in all the tabloids
He’s on a box of Wheaties
But in this war on terror
We have caught a few HVTs (That’s “High Value Targets”)

We’re crackin down on cancer stricken stoners
And insidious independent bookstore owners
Not to mention dangerous ImCloners

And communists and anarchists and Democratic donors

There’s an enemy living among us
I think you who I mean
Nobody really knows a thing about them
Not even Martin Sheen

They’re a threat to our standard of living
And the cheap supply of oil
I say let’s rout their sorry asses out
Before they soil our American soil

Oh, let’s go after the Buddhists
Let’s knock some shaven heads
Those humanistic, non-materialistic,
Pacifistic slugabeds

They’re ego-less and nonviolent
Un-American and weird
They just sit and stare at the wall and their
God doesn’t even have a beard

Oh, I don’t want to say too much about it
They might be listening right now
Meet me later in the parking lot
I got the yellow El Camino with the
Bumper sticker saying,
“Isolationism — Ask Me How!”

It’s a nation of freedom and tolerance
And that’s just plain dangerous
Let’s wipe out terrorism everywhere
Except, of course, where the terrorists are us

Oh, let’s go after the Buddhists
Let’s go rough up some monks
Those semi-mystic, anti-dualistic
Morally relativistic punks

Instead of contemplating their navels
They can contemplate our naval might
Hone your epithets, grab a torch and let’s
Go find somebody to enlight…en

Hey, dude
You look like you’d
Have a patri-idiotic attitude
Let’s kick some Bude!


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