Makin’ Babies

by: Hank Green

Makin' Babies: A Song

Lyrics

Good morning, John.
Thanks for making it animal sex week on a week when I have to write a song.
Tragedy of tragedies, I had to write a song about animal sex! Here it goes.

[singing]
We’ve been together for a while girl, quite a while,
And I think by now I know how to make you smile
You love evolutionary biology
And elegant adaptations are so sexy
But I want to teach you the realities of birds and bees

We all know about giraffes girl, they make me laugh
Their men have more sex with each other than with their better half
And there is no better way to destroy
A mood than to make a tortoise noise
But I won’t do that stuff
Just lovin’ is enough.

Oh, baby there’s a lot of ways to make a baby
And if things go right for us I was hopin’ maybe
We could try a couple out, see what the fuss is all about
It’s just the birds and the bees and the chimpanzees
And if things go right maybe you and me

Dolphins certainly are cute, girl, but I must boast
Dolphin sex lasts just twenty seconds at the most
But what I got is pretty dull
Next to the amazing barnacle
Their junk is fifty times bigger than their body size
And the male anglerfish gets completely screwed
Proving sometimes sex sucks even for the dude
But the violent prize goes to the flatworm
Using a sword-like penis to stab in his sperm
It’s an uncomfortable world…
But not for my girl

Oh, baby there’s a lot of ways to make a baby
And if things go right for us I was hopin’ maybe
We could try a couple out, see what the fuss is all about
It’s just the birds and the bees and the chimpanzees
And if things go right maybe you and me
Yeah, if things go right maybe you and me
Oh, if things go right maybe you and me

[speaking]
Yeah? *wink* What do you think?

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