The Psychic Song

by: Eddie Scott

The Psychic Song (It's Sad)

Lyrics

As a kid I went with my family
To the “Big Puyallup Fair”
We ate some corndogs
Rode the rides and breathed the country air

They even had a psychic there
Who put on quite a show
For a fee she’d tell ya things
There’s no way she could know

She said “state your first initial”
My powers you will see
I’ll tell you your first name
I said “why not, it starts with E”

She took my fifty cents and said
“I know your name is Earl”
I said “my name is Ed”
“I think I’ll ride the Tilt-A-Whirl”

And it’s sad
So dumb and sad
What those psychics try to pull should make you laugh or make you mad
To say some unseen force could know your birthday or your name
When clearly they’re just guessing
Let’s admit that’s pretty lame

I heard about a woman
Who felt she’d lost her way
She went to Madame Sylvia
To see what she would say

She hoped the local psychic would reveal what was in store
She paid for the advice and then she paid a little more

The psychic said “your future is quite cloudy, now my dear”
“But pay me twenty dollars more, I’m sure it will be clear”
The more she paid the more the psychic’s vision was improved
She learned about her future and none of it came true

And it’s sad
So dumb and sad
What those psychics try to pull should make you laugh or make you mad
Don’t trade your cash to hear some clever huckster spinning lies
When none of it comes true, well you shouldn’t be surprised

On TV yesterday I caught a popular talk show
The host explained he had a special guest in studio
It was a big celebrity, the psychic of the year
She closed her eyes and spoke of things that only she could hear

A person in the audience explained his private grief
His parent died with no last words, he sought out some relief
“Your mom is here” the Psychic said “she loves you, don’t feel bad”
The man said “Well, my mom’s alive, but could you ask my dad?”

And it’s sad
So dumb and sad
What those psychics try to pull should make you laugh or make you mad
When they pretend to talk to spirits or to the deceased
It’s a crime at worst, and morally repugnant at the least

And it’s sad
So dumb and sad
What those psychics try to pull should make you laugh or make you mad
Pretending they can talk to ghosts while standing on a stage
Psychics really are the crowning nonsense of our age
Yes, psychics really are the crowning nonsense of our age

On YouTube just the other day I saw a zany clip
They call it psychic fighting, and man was it a trip
The fighters sure looked doomed as ten assailants swarmed around
Then he waved his arms and his attackers all fell down

Well that was sure impressive, I thought and don’t ya know
That is until the fighter tried to fight a wrestling pro
The psychic fighter waved his arms, he waved his arms some more
Then the wrestler used the psychic fighter’s face to mop the floor

And it’s sad
So dumb and sad
What these psychics try to pull should make you laugh or make you mad
They’ll say the mind has powers that just cannot be dismissed
In a fight you’re better off with just your normal fists

A psychic’s fans will cheer and clap entirely transfixed
If you watch real close you’ll see a common bag of tricks
He’ll say something profound that could apply to anyone
Like “you’re a very happy soul except for when you’re glum”

He’ll talk in generalities, you’re likely to agree
He’ll say “there’s someone near whose name begins with M or D”
He keeps on fishing, watching every smile, or nod, or yawn
He’ll make you think his shtick is real when clearly it’s a con

And it’s sad
So dumb and sad
What those psychics try to pull should make you laugh or make you mad
Call them crooks or frauds, it doesn’t bother them too much
Those psychics pull some cons that P.T. Barnum wouldn’t touch

And it’s sad
So sad and dumb
So when dealing with a psychic here’s a healthy rule of thumb
When they go on and on about their powers or their might
Enjoy the show but keep your Goddamn money out of sight!

It’s morally disgusting
Ethically repellant
It’s mentally insulting
And personally repugnant
And morally disgusting at the least!

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